FORMAL COLLAR or SLAVE COLLAR

The Formal Collar (frequently called the Slave Collar) is the representation of the final stage of
commitment between the Dominant and submissive. This collar is offered after the Dominant and
submissive have progressed through the 'Collar of Consideration' and the 'Training Collar'. To
read more on these prior collars and stages please refer to the articles titled "Collar of
Consideration" and "Training Collar'. All three of these collars are given in real life, between live
persons actively interacting in or forming serious BDSM relationships. In recent years we have
seen the creation of what I can only call the 'cyber collar'. This creation attempts to mimic the
real life collar but tends to be exchanged between those who are primarily BDSM cyber
fetishers. It is my personal opinion that cyber collars are made of pixel dust, fantasies and
illusions. In addition, those using and exchanging these imaginary collars tend to appear and
vanish like shadows in the mist, lacking the primary reality and substance that is so much a part
of the BDSM world. The presence of the cyber collar and it's apparent implications for those
newly exploring the lifestyle tend to diminish what is a serious exchange in the real world. If you
are a new Dominant or submissive, recognize that the Internet is a tool which augments and gives
you access into a real world. If you wish to remain cyber that is your free choice but try to
respect the world that you mimic.

The Formal Collar is offered by the Dominant with the intent to formalize the bond and
attachment between themselves and their submissive. It is a recognition of commitment, deep
emotional feelings, devotion, mutual respect and consideration. It expresses a belief that the
Dominant and submissive share similar ideals and a genuine and growing desire to share each
others lives over perhaps the rest of their lives. With many couples this collar is given in
conjunction with a proposal of marriage. It's weight within the community is equivocal to the
wedding ring. The acceptance of this collar by the submissive is an open, voluntary offering of
their complete submission to the Dominant from that day forward.

The traditional appearance of the Slave Collar is a collar made of black leather or metal which is
adorned by brass or silver objects or designs. This collar is created specifically for the individual
submissive and is often an original design. The presentation of this collar often involves a joyous
celebration including an exchange of vows, benediction by a minister, the singing of a mutually
admired song etc. Many couples write their own poetry, vows and promises to each other which
are exchanged publicly as they dedicate themselves to each other. In addition, many people
choose to engage in the placement of permanent body markings upon the submissive at this time.
This can be via tattoo's, piercings, brandings, cuttings etc. Some ceremonies will include a
carefully designed public scene so that the guests can visually enjoy and participate in this union
and bond by watching the permanent marking in its application. This is a serious decision by
both people often arrived at after years of searching and in many cases after living together for a
long period of time to make sure that their choice is sound.

At this stage in the collaring process often the Dominant and submissive feel the same deep love
that any vanilla couple might feel coupled to the trust, respect and commitment so crucial in the
D/s lifestyle. To be invited to attend a D/s Formal Collaring is similar to being invited to a
wedding. A gift is appropriate, attire as specified in the invitation should be followed and
protocol should be observed regarding the manner in which other members of the community
are addressed. If you are invited to a collaring but are not very familiar with the participants then
be polite, courteous and respectful. Remember that different areas of the country and different
groups have different rules of protocol. If you do not know them, politely ask. If there is a public
scene then standard open dungeon rules generally apply, this is soft conversation when
necessary, never touch another person, Do not interrupt a scene with questions or commentary,
wear dark clothing and be unobtrusive during the commencement of the scene.

Remember that some scenes can place the submissive at risk in unique ways. An example of this
is a scene involving fire play. During such a scene a sudden draft such as the opening of a door
or window can make the flames flare in a sudden and extremely dangerous fashion. Do not leave
your position of observation, open doors, windows, turn on fans, lights, music or anything else
without the prior consent of the Dominant, Dungeon Master/Mistress or person in charge of
scene management. Wait until the completion of a scene to address the Dominant. It is often
considered proper to congratulate the submissive independent of the Dominant after such a
collaring after you have congratulated the Dominant. If you are in doubt as to this protocol then
take the opportunity to ask the Dominant when you are congratulating them if it is permissible to
congratulate their submissive.

Remember that if the submissive has just scened, been pierced, branded or tattooed they may
and probably will be in subspace. Be gentle, friendly and kind and forgive them if they are
wobbly, spacey and a bit out of it <smiles>. By the way - the Dominant may be a bit shaken
too, so a good hug or two is generally not unwelcome (this depends on the temperament of the
Dominant of course!)

Often an open play party commences after such events. Do not drink if alcohol has been present
if you intend to scene later. A final note - in many cases the Formal Collaring is recorded on
video tape and in snapshots. If you are concerned about being in these shots choose seats
outside the ones closest to the event. In most cases the photographers try very hard to capture
just those officiating and personally involved but if it is a concern of yours then take the steps
necessary yourself without disturbing the ceremony in any way.